This has been an intense week.

I’ve talked so much with our church about living in the tension over the last few months. I think living in the tension between God’s direction and my desires is extremely important and healthy. I think it leads us to that place of wholeness, in a sense an already/not yet place of experiencing the best of who God is and who He is revealing Himself to be to us as we grow to know and understand more.

This very week, while living in the tension, I have felt myself being pushed and pulled more than ever before. Words that have never entered my mind fully like persecution, fear and misunderstanding have found new meaning in my world. Though, I haven’t fully grasped them, they are closer to me than they’ve ever been. 

Yet because of these ideas, I find within myself a deeper desire to push, fight and blaze a trail. And now, I’m living in the tension of the why…

Why…is the desire stronger?

Why…am I more ready to fight?

Why…am I so committed?

Though I don’t know if I know the whole answer, I know that the result ends with Jesus. And if for just five minutes my name could be mentioned there; someone who wasn’t necessarily appreciated by a few men, but was counted as someone who, regardless of opinion, was always walking with Jesus…

Then I’d say the tension was beyond worth it.